TOPIC: Herpes
QUESTION: Would herpes be less scary if it had a better name?
ANSWERS:
Tricky Dicky:
It has recently dawned on me that the only thing that is THAT terrible about herpes is its name. So i've come up with ten names that would better suit this horrible sounding virus (which by the way is incurable......that's right, for life.....). Seriously, the name "herpes" sounds to me like "the pecker flesh eating virus". So lets try these on for size....
10 BETTER NAMES FOR HERPES:
1. Happies
2. Gumdrop Fever
3. The 365 and 1/4 day a year gift
4. The Bunny Yawns (cute huh?)
5. Lovers quarrel (stern yet meaningful)
6. The helping hand (can I give YOU a hand?)
7. Raspberry Sparkles
8. Love's Intercourse Remorse
9. California Dreams
10. Peek-a-boo
I feel strongly that these names would make people with Gumdrop Fever feel much more accepted and would help people be less embarrassed and coerse them to tell the people that they've slept with about the danger that they may be in. But really, who doesn't want some Bunny Yawns in their life? I know I could sure go for some. Of course, statistically speaking, 1 in 4 women has it, 1 in 5 men have it, and 90% of all people who have it don't even know it. So if you get a little Peek-a-boo every now and again, go see your friendly physician and he can give you a helping hand.....I mean he can help you out....
Johnny Depth:
Changing the name of herpes could make alienated people feel better, but let’s not go encouraging people to go out and get it… What?! You’ve got strawberry sparkles. Where did you get it? Can you give me some? Please! I just want to be like everybody else! Suppose we changed the name of tobacco to herpes? Damn! Herpes causes cancer now. If it wasn’t bad before, now it’s a carcinogen. On the side of the cartons it would say "contains herpes." I don’t think I am going to be smoking anymore.
What about changing the name of Little Debbie’s to Chunky Debbie, fast-food to fat-food, or Survivor to C-Span (I hate survivor!)? …Don’t worry I already know—its genius. What would happen if we changed Heaven to Hell, or War to Burt Bacharach, or North Korea to Strawberry Short Cake Land? Don’t tell me I can’t say these things, cause… ahh, I fucking already did.
ANSWERS:
Tricky Dicky:
It has recently dawned on me that the only thing that is THAT terrible about herpes is its name. So i've come up with ten names that would better suit this horrible sounding virus (which by the way is incurable......that's right, for life.....). Seriously, the name "herpes" sounds to me like "the pecker flesh eating virus". So lets try these on for size....
10 BETTER NAMES FOR HERPES:
1. Happies
2. Gumdrop Fever
3. The 365 and 1/4 day a year gift
4. The Bunny Yawns (cute huh?)
5. Lovers quarrel (stern yet meaningful)
6. The helping hand (can I give YOU a hand?)
7. Raspberry Sparkles
8. Love's Intercourse Remorse
9. California Dreams
10. Peek-a-boo
I feel strongly that these names would make people with Gumdrop Fever feel much more accepted and would help people be less embarrassed and coerse them to tell the people that they've slept with about the danger that they may be in. But really, who doesn't want some Bunny Yawns in their life? I know I could sure go for some. Of course, statistically speaking, 1 in 4 women has it, 1 in 5 men have it, and 90% of all people who have it don't even know it. So if you get a little Peek-a-boo every now and again, go see your friendly physician and he can give you a helping hand.....I mean he can help you out....
Johnny Depth:
Changing the name of herpes could make alienated people feel better, but let’s not go encouraging people to go out and get it… What?! You’ve got strawberry sparkles. Where did you get it? Can you give me some? Please! I just want to be like everybody else! Suppose we changed the name of tobacco to herpes? Damn! Herpes causes cancer now. If it wasn’t bad before, now it’s a carcinogen. On the side of the cartons it would say "contains herpes." I don’t think I am going to be smoking anymore.
What about changing the name of Little Debbie’s to Chunky Debbie, fast-food to fat-food, or Survivor to C-Span (I hate survivor!)? …Don’t worry I already know—its genius. What would happen if we changed Heaven to Hell, or War to Burt Bacharach, or North Korea to Strawberry Short Cake Land? Don’t tell me I can’t say these things, cause… ahh, I fucking already did.
posted by Polar Digression Inc. | 11:05 PM
3 Comments:
Here's a topic for you, how about a list of maybe a quadrillion better things than this:
http://news.aol.com/entertainment/music/articles/_a/willie-nelson-cited-for-drug-possession/20060918131509990002?ncid=NWS00010000000001
that the Louisiana State Troopers could be doing with their time.
Ok...
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